Upward Over The Mountain
by kew94
Summary: Renesemee has just lost her mother.She thinks she has lost her forever but then she finds her mom's diary which takes her into a world of romance & adventure. Its time to discover the true meaning of life."Fearless is living in spite of your fears." AH


**Heyy! Song for this chapter is Upward Over The Mountain by Iron and Wine. I recommend you listen to it while reading the chapter.**

Today had to be the worst day of my life.

This beat being bullied all through middle school. It beat the day my dog got knocked down when i was on my way home from school and i witnessed it all. It beat the day my grandparents died and it most definitely beat the day my so called father killed himself.

Today was the day i buried my mother.

My heart ached at just the thought of it. I couldn't bare to think about my life without my mother in it. I couldn't think of any life that could possibly be complete without my mother. For a brief moment i felt sorry for every other soul on the planet that didn't know her but then i remembered i didn't have her anymore. She was gone from my life aswell. I was waiting for the tears to escape but my eyes seemed to be dried out. I hadn't stopped crying from the moment she died until i finally saw her put to rest earlier today. Maybe i couldn't cry anymore. Maybe i had no emotion left in me. I had nothing to feel for. Everything was gone.

"My condolences." A deep voice disrupted me from my grim thoughts. I looked up to see a middle aged man holding his hand out for me to shake. I took his stubby hand and shook it gently, not really aware of my actions. He was a stout man with a receiding hairline and a chubby face. I thought i recognised him from the university where my mother worked as a literature teacher.

"It was such a shame to see your mother leave us at such a young age. Forty years old and her life was cut short, she had so much more to offer the world. If only the cancer had been found sooner....." He drifted off into his own thoughts. Did he not care that i was standing right here? How could he be so arrogant as to talk about my mother to me when she has only been dead for four days, sixteen hours and twenty minutes. It was hard not to keep track of time when it seemed to be going so slow and yet lives seemed to be rushing by. He finally looked down at me and my face must have shown offence because he quickly tried to apologize.

"Oh im so.."

"Excuse me." I cut him off and walked away, hopefully leaving him feeling guilty. I pushed through the crowd that had gathered at my house after the funeral had ended. I never understood why people seemed to gather after someone died. It wasn't a cause for celebration, even if people did insist it was to celebrate the deceased's life. My mother's life really wasn't much to celebrate. She had only been truly happy the last eight years. If they really wanted to celebrate my mother's life they should have started the day my father decided to kill himself. I was making my way towards the stairs when i heard my name being called. I would have ignored it, if it wasn't the voice of my grandfather, Charlie.

"Renesmee! I want to talk to you." Charlie said when he reached me. Charlie was the only grandparent of mine that was still alive. Actually he was the only relative of mine that was still alive. His eyes were full of sorrow when he went past me to walk up the stairs. I followed him, leaving the noisy living room. I was thankful i had Charlie left. He was one of the few of my family member's that i truly loved. To be honest it was only him and my mother that i loved without effort. My other grandparents and the family on my father's side never excepted my mother and they never fully excepted me either, because i was just like her. Once Charlie was upstairs he turned left down the hallway. He came to an abrupt stop and i understood why at once. We were standing outside my mom's room and he had his hand on the handle, ready to turn it. We were both hesitant to enter into there. It would still smell of her perfume and her clothes would most likely be scattered everywhere, exactly how she left it before she went into hospital. Charlie took a deep breath and opened the door. All i could see was darkness as i stood frozen outside of the room. Charlie reached his hand inside and switched on the light. He took a step in and turned to see if i was following. He stared at my frozen state as i my eyes pleade with him. I wasn't sure if i was ready yet.

"It will be ok Nessie. Its time to face the facts." He said, his voice soft. He held out his hand and i took it hesitantly. He then led me into the room and clsed the door behind me.

It was exactly like i imagined. Scattered clothes, the smell of her perfume, her shampoo. I inhaled her scent, hoping it would never fade. I sat down on the bed beside Charlie. My eyes were still dry which i was surprised by. Maybe i really did lose all emotion. I looked around the room and my heart stopped for a moment when i saw a picture of her and me, when i was younger. It had been snowing which wasn't strange for Forks. We were wrapped up in about twenty layers and our faces were flushed from the snow. I smiled at the memory, but it didn't feel right.

"How you coping kiddo?" Charlie asked in a sad, flat voice.

"Like any seventeen year old would be when their mom died." I replied. My voice sounded strange, it sounded...Empty? Charlie wrapped his arm around. He was never good with the affection thing, but i think we both needed it right now.

"Your mom left some stuff at the hospital, like pictures and books. She wanted me to give them to you." He said as he pulled a box out from under the bed. He put it on the bed beside me.

"Uh thanks." I said looking at the box.

"Yeah well, i'll give you some space for a bit. If you need anything just..." He drifted off.

"Thanks Charlie." I said as i wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. He hugged me back for a minute and then left the room. I sat back on the bed and began emptying the box of my mom's belongings. There were pictures of when she was younger, most of them were of her and Charlie. There was only one of when she was very young and both Charlie and Renee, her mother, were with her. That was of course, before Renee left Charlie foe another man called Phil. Renee and Phil stayed in Forks so Charlie decided to travel. He only came back a few years ago. Other pictures consisted mainly of me or people i didn't recognize. There was one picture of my father. I don't even know why it was here, my mother liked him as much as i did. His name was Mike Newton and he was a vile man. My mother never liked him, she told me once that it was not her choice to be with him, but she never spoke of it again. Once i was done with the pictures i began looking at her books. They were mostly literature. She loved literature, she first got into it when she was about eighteen, she said a friend introduced her to Wuthering Heights and it was love at first sight! I looked over the titles, _Romeo and Juliet, The Merchant Of Venice, Pride and Prejudice _and of course _Wuthering Heights._ But then i came across one without a title. It was a plain black hard-back book and it was the last thing in the box. It didn't seem familiar, i had never seen it before. I opened the first page to see what it was. A piece of paper fell out and i immediately picked it up to see what it was. It was a note and i was overwhelmed and surprised by what it said.....

_If your reading this then you are most likely my daughter, Renesmee. If its not you Nessie, then i warn you i will...Well i don't know what i will do because if your reading this then i must be dead. So i'm just going to keep writing in hope that it is Nessie reading this._

_This book holds the truth. Well its not the truth because technically i never lied to you. So i guess its a secret. But the reason i want you to know this is because the experiences in this book helped me grow as a person and helped me learn the true meaning of life. At the age of eighteen i was lost and confused and i thought the world revolved around my problems. But then i met someone who showed me what life...And love...was all about. They opened up the world for me and i saw so many amazing things and met so many amazing people. I hope one day that you will find someone who can do the same for you. I am no longer with you in body, so i wont be there to tell you about my mistakes and triumphs when your feeling doubt, so that you can learn from them. So i want you to have this book as a guide. In time i would have told you about this but i guess in a way its better for you to see it first hand. I started writing this when i was eighteen as a way to release my anger but soon enough it became a way to write down all my good times and bad, so that one day i could look back and hopefully laugh! So it was really my diary and now it is yours._

_I love you Nessie and remember i am always with you in spirit._

_Love you, Mom x_

I finished reading the note and stared at the first page of her diary. I was expecting to see something like _Bella's diary. Keep out!_ But the first thing i saw was a simple date saying.....

_October 13__th__ 1987....._

**Okay so i hope you like the first chapter. Please review! The more reviews the faster i update!**

**XOX**


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